An apparently desperate need for a lesson in faith

Moving is hard.

Never in my life have I felt so utterly alone. Logically, I know that there are friends and family who care for Lucas and I immensely.... but most of them are thousands of miles away.

Lucas still has not found a job and we are slowly watching our savings dwindle away with my tuition due soon and Christmas right around the corner. Why is it that faith and money tend to be so closely related? I hate money and the feelings of necessity and want that it evokes in me... and yet I love the feeling of comfort and security that it brings. Security, of course, is an illusion. God giveth and He taketh away and He is the one who ultimately provides what we need. I know these things... so why is it so hard to trust Him to provide a job and the finances that we will need to make a life here?

I know that our being here was ordained by Him. I was accepted into the program here at Elon, my top choice, and the first and only school that I applied to, with little effort. We also found a house to rent only 4 blocks from campus, after I had been heartbroken at the thought of renting an apartment for the next 3 years. I don't believe in coincidence; I believe that our steps are ordered aright by God. So if I believe and KNOW these things... WHY is it so hard?

I have come to the conclusion that I apparently desperately need a lesson in faith. It is so easy to trust Him and love Him when things are cushy and going the way we want them to. It however, is not easy when they are not. So here I am... praying and pleading that God will provide what He always has and that I will learn to trust and depend on Him when our bank account is empty as well as when it is full; when we have friends and when we do not; and when the sun is shining and when it is not.

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace." ~Ecclesiastes 3:1-8